Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Quotes From The Boy Aged 6


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Boy: "Mum, what's an orgy?"

Mum: "A party"

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Boy: "You must NEVER hold scissors like this or you might fall and arrrrrrgh.....it'll stab you in the eye like laser eye surgery!"

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Boy: "PUSH IT OUT!! PUSH IT OUT!!"
Mum: "Push what out!?"
Boy: "The Baaaaaaaaybeeeeeeee!!"

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Boy: "How do you get pregnant?"

Mum: "Erm...it just happens"
Boy: "But how?"

Mum: "Well women have eggs inside their tummy & little tadpoles have to get that egg, then that egg turns into a baby!"

Boy: "So you had the egg and you (looking at Mummy C) had the tadpoles?"

Mummy C: "No, only men have tadpoles"

Boy: "Where did you get your tadpoles from then?"

Mum: "Erm....I borrowed them!"

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Boy: "Mummy I had TWO bad dreams last night! Shall I tell you what they were about?"
Mum: "Yeah"
Boy: "One was about baddies trying to kill me and the other one was about us buying a bubble machine and it braking"

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Boy: "Can I have golden nuggets and watch the TV at the same time? I want to multi task!"

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Mum: "Why is one of my boots in here?"

Boy: "I don't know"
Mum: "Well why have you brought it in here?"

Boy: "I DIDN'T!! I just walked past it and it got stuck to my foot!"

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Boy: "What's a Hoe?"
Mum: "Erm....A lady who shows her knickers to lots of men for money"

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Boy: "Why hasn't Mummy C had any babies?"
Mum: "Well she doesn't need to as she has you and your sister"
Boy: "Yeah but she's never had to have her belly cut open or done a BIG MAAAAAAAAASIVE poo!"

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Boy: "I DON'T LOVE YOU AND I NEVER WILL!!!"


*5 minutes later...

Mum: "Love you!"

Boy: "Love you too"

Mum: "Well you just told me that you didn't love me!"

Boy: "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO BRUSH MY TEETH!!!"

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Boy: "Can I have some of your wine?"

Mum: "Ok, just a TINY sip! This wine tastes quite fruity"

Boy: "Ooh that's good! It can be one of your 5 a day!"

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*Boy is in the bath, Mummy C walks into the bathroom...

Mummy C: "What is that smell?"

Boy: "I farted in the bath"

Mummy C: "No, it's a nice smell...what have you sprayed!?"


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Whilst at the hospital visitng Boy's premature sister....

Boy: "The zombie has a carrot in his eye"



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